Meetings Suck

Here at The Petting Zoo, people have a love/hate relationship with meetings. On the one hand, they like meetings enough to schedule them frequently. On the other hand, sometimes we have an hour-long meeting on Flaming Kangaroo Gas, and before not three days have gone by, we have another hour-long meeting on the same thing. As interesting as Flaming Kangaroo Gas may be and as important as it may seem to talk about it frequently, two (or even three!) meetings that close together don't accomplish anything. People go through their "to do" lists from the previous meeting, and simply state that they have started Whatever It Is but not finished. The meeting ends and everyone resolves to continue doing Whatever It Is they already know they're supposed to be doing and report back at the next meeting.

Gah. Somebody diligently takes notes (today it happened to be me, but we take turns), noting tasks for everyone, and the notes get circulated so everybody double knows Whatever It Is they're supposed to be doing that they already know they're supposed to be doing and have now just wasted another hour NOT doing.

You know you have a problem with meetings when the notes for consecutive meetings are more or less the same.

Everyone, you get the sense, feels somewhat imposed upon, but no one, including the meeting organizers, will speak up and say, "Hey, there's not a whole lot that's happened since the last meeting, so why don't people who need to do so just touch bases informally and we'll re-convene all together next week." Most people know how to send email, and, better yet, why not go drop by your colleague's office? It's right next door or maybe just two doors over.

But that gets me to the other issue. As I mentioned in a previous post, there are some tensions brewing just under the surface between the old program, Survival in Captivity, and the new program, Expanding Habitats.

There's a lot of passive aggressiveness on the part of the Survival in Captivity people, and, while I understand the reasons for it, it's really getting tiresome. After a certain amount of time, you just move on from these things, but that doesn't seem to be happening. They resent having to expend effort and time on Flaming Kangaroo Gas, which is an Expanding Habitats event upcoming in the next few weeks. They resent having to work with staff hired exclusively for Expanding Habitats, like me. And they seem to resent the general philosophical directive behind the misison and goals of Expanding Habitats. And this is all despite the fact that Survival in Captivity still exists as a program, and nobody lost their job when Expanding Habitats took over. And, really, the only thing that's changed is the leadership and a push towards creating public dialogue over policy rather than pointing fingers.

Some people, it turns out, aren't very good at dialogue, even among their coworkers, it seems.

Possibly the thing that irritates me the most about these Flaming Kangaroo Gas meetings is Senior Pink Elephant's attitude and immature behavior. SPE is one of the people most loyal to Survival in Captivity. Describing SPE's tone and body language and behavior as "resentful" understates the bitterness SPE expresses. While everybody is frustrated by these stupid meetings, most behave like grown-ups. SPE, on the contrary, will go to meetings and PASS NOTES to the other pink elephants, snicker, and nod and smile at them, as if we were all in high school. The other pink elephants just look uncomfortable and, when the meeting finally ends, carefully pick up those little slips of paper -- no doubt filled with snide comments -- so as to make sure nobody else sees them. SPE never does anything really big, but these little things undermine collegiality, which is maybe SPE's subconscious goal. Like, for example, at today's meeting, somebody in Expanding Habitats said they didn't get the email about Flaming Kangaroo Gass Solids that was sent around this morning. Instead of simply forwarding the email from the iPad SPE also obsessively plays with at meetings, which would be the civil, grown-up thing to do, SPE says dismissively, "Yes, you did. It was sent to everybody. Whatever. It's not important that you see it anyway." Somebody else did forward the message, but that kind of bitchiness lingers. Did I mention how tiresome this all is? It's toxic. It's spawned this whole bitchy post, which I needed to get out of my system before getting back to Flaming Kangaroo Gas tasks (that I could have done earlier but was at the meeting).

Did I mention also that SPE especially hates me because 1) I was hired specifically to work on Expanding Habitats, 2) I am not a pink elephant, and 3) I used to work at Think Tank, which makes me, ipso facto, either evil or crazy.

So, even if I'm being a little paranoid, I feel like a fair amount of SPE's passive aggressiveness is directed at me, especially since the other two main Expanding Habitats people -- the people, also, that hired me, know my background, and respect what I bring -- are in Other City Office. In other words, my allies only participate in meetings via video or phone conference, and I really don't think they pick up on this pepto bismal colored Pink Elephant shit, even though it may almost all (except for the Think Tank part) be actually directed equally at them.

I really do try hard to be civil to SPE, because, quite frankly, I would prefer to work in a civil environment. I'm willing to let stuff slide. I go out of my way to say hello and otherwise be polite. But, really? For how long? Even in academe, as petty as people could sometimes be, I never had to put up with this crap. Maybe I was lucky, but the closest workplace situation for me was a retail job I had in college. One of my coworkers there resented me because she thought I "stole" her customers. In fact, she ignored "her" customers, but I talked to them so neither of us would get yelled at by the manager. And I was just better at selling because I was actually NICE and POLITE and CIVIL and FRIENDLY and DECENT to the customers. When I got promoted from sales associate to sales supervisor, my coworker got into all this stupid passive aggressive stuff, like leaving messes for me to clean up or actively pissing customers off by being overtly rude to them because she knew I would get blamed, since I was "supervising." Fortunately for both of us, she quit after not too long.

Maybe SPE will just up and quit, too. SPE getting fired would be even better. Are there some job gods out there who would accept the burning of a pink elephant effigy?

You know what's ironic? The environment and people at Think Tank/New Think Tank, as I've blogged before, despite our differences, were entirely civil, polite, decent people to work with. There was nothing like this situation with any of them. Ever. And you know what else? It's that kind of civility that allows people to forge valuable and loyal relationships in this small little world where Who You Know Matters More Than What You Know. You want there to be people for whom you will go out of your way and who will go out of their way for you. You never know when that sort of thing will pay off, but it's worthwhile to work at because, in the long run, it's as important as showing up and doing all the other stuff you're supposed to.

Do you know what else is ironic? At Think Tank/New Think Tank -- because it was a small place, an open office, and a collegial environment in which people could just walk over and talk to each other about Whatever It Is that needed to get done -- there were no goddammedmotherfuckingmindblowinglyborrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring meetings EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"We still believe in pirates. Do you?"

My last day as Operations Director of New Think Tank is this Friday, July 13. We held my farewell lunch yesterday, though, since New Think Tank President will be out of town most of next week. 

At lunch, my successor asked what I would most miss most about leaving. Now, I am not a huge fan of such questions, reasonable as they may be. This falls in the same category of questions as "What is your favorite book?" Of course, you can always come up with some kind of answer, but it's always a bullshit answer. So, I gave a sort of bullshit answer that may perhaps have disappointed people who may have cared about what my answer was.

Becauses, of course, there are silly things I will miss (a desk in a former art gallery by a floor-to-ceiling window with an awesome view) and silly things I won't miss (taking out the trash). And I could, of course, add onto these lists ad infinitum, but what would that really tell you? Not much.

Instead, since they say a picture is worth a thousand words, I offer you one of the coolest pictures ever:

New Think Tank President commissioned an artist friend of mine to draw this pirate-themed caricature of the New Think Tank team as a gift to the donor who made it possible for us to split seamlessly from Old Think Tank and start up New Think Tank after the Great Scandal of May 2012.

On the far left is New Think Tank President depicted as the pirate captain. On the far right with the red bandana is me. And on the bottom right with the glasses and beard is the person I've occasionally referred to here as "Other Colleague." The other three are directors of New Think Tank's offices in Ohio, Texas, and Florida.

The guy with the eye patch is -- ooooooooo! evill!!!! -- a former executive director of ALEC who has never been anything but polite, respectful, and an all-around cordial and colleagial person to work with, which is pretty much what I can say about EVERYBODY at New Think Tank and, sadly, a lot more than I can say about more than a few people I knew in academe. While some of my liberal friends (who have often wondered how I could "stand" to work where I did for as long as I have -- WTF people!??!!?) might cringe to hear me say it, I'd rather work with nice people who vote differently than I do than asshats who claim to share my politics but hypocritically reinforce an exploitative and destructive class system in their own workplaces and profession.

(Ahem ... Yes, Academe, you and some of your loyalest servants still piss me off.)

Pirates are sort of a theme around here. I won't go into details, but, suffice it to say, I like working in a place where, unlike in academe's lower ranks, you get to make up your own rules, chart your own course, and keep the treasure you acquire along the way.

That piratical spirit, shared by all of my New Think Tank colleagues, is what I'll miss most when I leave.

But, fortunately, I don't think I'll be entirely leaving it behind. If you look closely at the picture, notice the text at the very bottom. You might have to enlarge your screen to see it, but it's an inside joke of sorts. If you figured out what the Great Scandal of May 2012 was about, you'll get the joke. Even if you didn't and don't, appreciating the spirit of it is enough. The text says, "We still believe in pirates. Do you?"

My answer: Yes, friends, always and forever! Once a pirate always a pirate!! And the best adventures, for me and for you, are yet to come!!!

My Successor Hired

In case you were all waiting on pins and needles ...

After a great response (though, alas, from very few post-academics) to our ad, we narrowed it down to five we wanted to interview in person. We interviewed them this past Monday and Tuesday. Of the five, three turned out to be not quite as good in person as they seemed on paper and on the phone (alas, among these was the only post-ac who made it to the interview stage), and two were really great. Between those two, it was a difficult decision because they had acquired their qualifications in very different environments, brought different "enhancements" to the position that went above and beyond the requirements (e.g. firsthand experience running a small business vs. outstanding MS Office proficiency and industry knowledge), and had extremely different personalities. Ultimately, it came down to who New Think Tank President and Other Colleague felt they could best deal with personality-wise on a day-to-day basis. Even then, it was a tie, and even though I am leaving and won't have to deal with this person on a day-to-day basis, I ended up weighing in to break the tie.

Perhaps fittingly, the person who will replace me as New Think Tank Operations Director spent exactly the same seven years (2003-2010) I spent working on my PhD owning and operating hir own independent bookstore. Like many independent bookstores, hir business suffered a lot first from the increasing sales of online retailers like Amazon and then from the explosive popularity of e-readers. Despite heroic efforts, ze had to close the store and move on. Similar market forces to the supply/demand problem for academic labor? Maybe ... but, no, not really. In book sales, consumers ultimately did express preferences for the ways they wanted to browse, buy, and read books. Suppliers either adjusted to meet their demands or went (sadly, since I do still love bookstores) out of business. Contrastingly, in academe the same parties control both supply (graduate students entering the profession) and demand (number of crappy contingent positions vs. decent tenure-track ones). In book retail, the market kinda sorta works, but in academe, the "market" (why do we still call it that?) really is broken ...

But I digress.

Some general (and maybe more specific) things about being on the other side of the hiring process that struck me:

A lot of people are looking for work. Seriously, I don't know if this is the norm or not, but we got way too many applications. Well over 100, I'd say, within barely a week of posting the ad. For an admin job.

A great many of these were from people who were probably applying for every single similar job, of which (fortunately for those people), there are plenty. However, many of them simply did not qualify for New Think Tank Operations Director for any number of reasons. For starters, we said we wanted someone smart and described what we meant by that. On this qualification, misnaming a school you attended doesn't help your credibility -- especially when the person reading your application, whose job you would be taking over, happened to teach at that very same school WHILE YOU WERE GOING THERE! If you learned nothing else, one would hope you would at least have learned the NAME of the school you went to. What would happen if you were editing a press release at New Think Tank and misnamed the organization you were working for? And I'm talking misnaming, too, not merely misspelling, although we had plenty of applications with spelling and basic grammar errors, too.

Then there were the etiquette errors. In 2012, does anyone ever still address a cover letter to "Miss" anybody? Yes, apparently, and it sends their application straight to the trash. I'm not asking for "Dr." It's not appropriate in a lot of nonacademic situations and I certainly don't require it, although addressing me that way would have been one way to show you had at least visited New Think Tank's website (and quite a few people had). But, "Miss"? Please. Maybe you are from another country where that's appropriate -- I don't know -- but your resume indicates you went to an American university and an American law school (yes, we did get several applications from law school graduates, some who had actually had practiced law -- but apparently the job market's not great for them, either). AND you're not so old that you grew up when "Miss" was still commonplace ... It's "Ms.," OK? You have no idea whether I'm married or not. Okay??? Do you get why??????

OK, enough about the crappy applications. After eliminating those, we were left with about roughly 20% that could have taken the job and done at least reasonably well at it. How to narrow it down? You have to look at more than simply base qualifications at this point, especially given that for this type of job one could acquire those qualifications in any number of different ways. And those ways themselves become important in what they tell you about a person -- about their interests, their work ethic, whether they are pushed from one job to another (not so good) or pulled from job to job (good).

Several post-acs made it to this stage, and New Think Tank President did phone interviews with at least three of them. What differentiated the one who made it to the in-person interview from the other two? Hard to say since I didn't talk with them myself. One simply rubbed New Think Tank President "the wrong way," ze said. The other, although a PhD from one of the top schools in the country, New Think Tank President felt didn't have enough "real world" work experience to comfortably assume the responsibilities of the position, which include managing the expenses for what we expect to be an annual operating budget of close to a million dollars. While someone who had no other paid work experience besides part-time teaching certainly could do this job, the issue of work experience turned out to be a deciding factor. The post-ac we brought in for the in-person had lots of teaching experience but also experience as a bank teller and a few years of almost full-time experience as an assistant retail store manager.

It also shouldn't go without noting how damning it is of academe and its job "market" that A) somebody with a PhD from an Ivy was even applying for this job and B) they didn't make the in-person interview cut largely because they lacked the "real world" experience academe especially discourages its most "promising" graduate students from "wasting their time" acquiring. But I digress ...

What is it about this type of experience that tips the scale? I guess it says something about a person's ability to do a job for money rather than love and/or its potential to advance their academic career and yet to nonetheless take the responsibilities of that job seriously. Also, references from nonacademic employers can answer questions academic references can't, and these answers turned out also to be important in lots of ways -- for example, explaining why someone got promoted from sales associate to assistant manager tells us more about someone's day-to-day work ethic and style of interacting with coworkers, supervisors, supervisees, and the public than does an adviser's explanation of why someone's dissertation is good.

So anyway, this post is way too long already. At the in-person interviews, we narrowed it down to the former bookstore owner and somebody who is currently working as an operations manager in another city but is relocating to Crapitol City to work on a professional master's degree part-time at Grad U. Of the three we rejected outright, one appeared much less experienced and capable in person than ze did on paper, another said negative things about a supervisor (who actually gave hir a very good reference) which reflected badly on hir as an employee and coworker, and the third seemed uninterested in the interview or the work of New Think Tank (sardonically critical would have been more acceptable because it would have demonstrated intelligent engagement). Also, all three of these people got some general, are-you-in-touch-with-the-world questions wrong, like "Who is the current attorney general?"

Ultimately, Former Bookstore Owner got the job because ze seemed the most quirky, creative, resourceful, open-minded, adaptable, independent, and self-confident. Those are the qualities the person taking this job needs in addition to the basic qualifications in order to get along with others at New Think Tank, contribute to its culture, and help it grow.

Anybody want to throw any questions my way about nonacademic hiring processes that seem mysterious to you?

The job description is up on Versatile PhD

I posted it up there this morning, if anyone cares.

Seriously, one or some of you should apply for this. Within 24 hours of posting on nonacademic sites, we've gotten a FUCKTON of resumes. Like 80. Out of those, only a few sound like they might be pretty good. And by "pretty good," I'm talking about the smart kid with the undergrad degree in theater and a couple years of admin experience seems the best so far. And that's not really our ideal candidate. Our ideal candidate has stronger writing and editing skills, but we're mostly getting admin types who can only do about half of this job. The admin part is easy -- we can train you for that in a week. The writing and editing skills require an EDUMACATION.

We did express this in the job ad -- essentially that you don't NEED a graduate education to do this job but we'd prefer someone who had one or who had elsewhere acquired the skills we're looking for. I'm hoping something will come along through Versatile PhD because the attitude I got from Grad U Placement Doofus was totally condescending and full-of-shit contradictory. The gist of our conversation was:

Me : There's this job one of your ABDs or recent PhDs might like to have.

Placement Doofus: But it's not an Tenure Track ACAMADEMICAL job. Waaaaaaaaaaaa!

Me: No, but it pays better than being a fucken adjunct. Pays better even than what newly hired assistant profs in your department get.

Placement Doofus: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! A lot of our adjuncts have been trying for tenure track placements for several years now. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! Why are our placement rates so low? They never used to be this bad. They used to be pretty good. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Why are our adjuncts so unhappy?? They just need to ride this out for another year or two, and things will improve.

Me: No, things aren't going to improve. Even if they do, somebody could take THIS job for the intervening time and get the fuck off food stamps for a little while. Your adjuncts have no money and feel like they have no future. Why do you think they're so unhappy? Why do you begrudge them the chance to move in another direction? To a place where they would be actually appreciated and compensated accordingly??

Placement Doofus: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! Our adjuncts are wonderful. They are too good for a crappy admin job. You yourself betrayed THE GREATEST PROFESSION EVER by leaving. Clearly, it was not your true calling. I must protect our graduate students and adjuncts from heretics like you.

Me: You are so full of shit the fumes are carrying across the internet.

Placement Doofus: By the way, your new job sounds really great. Can Grad U take credit for your success? It's so great to know our graduates are moving on to have such interesting careers. Our graduate students need to hear about this. They need role models. We should have you come back and talk to them one of these days after you start New Job.

Me: I don't have time for this. Can you just please circulate the job ad so that somebody else can move on to have, as you say, "such an interesting career"?

Placement Doofus: Waaaaaaaaaaaa! I'll ask around. There's Desperate and Pathetic Adjunct. Do you remember hir? Ze finished the year before you did and has been teaching for the department and going on the market every year since. Ze might be getting tired of that.

Me: Yes, I think I remember Desperate and Pathetic. But why don't you circulate to everybody? That way, everybody knows the job is available and they can make their own decisions about whether they're interested or not.

Placement Doofus: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! You're a heretic. You're trying to get people to leave the department. We can't afford to discourage our cheapass limitless supply of permatemps precious graduate students. I might circulate it. I'll see what I can do. I'll have to warn them about you first ... But can Grad U still take credit for your success in getting New Job?

Me: Fuck you.

*     *     *     *     *

Maybe my attitude didn't help as far as getting word around. I was more polite, but I couldn't totally disguise that I thought Placement Doofus was full of shit. At least at New Think Tank (same as at Think Tank) you can tell people they're full of shit when they wax poetic about such free-market pipedreams as privatizing the sidewalks (dudes, that's actually in the job description, the "full of shit" part and everything!!). They appreciate knowing when they cross the line over to KrazyKrackpotKookville. Can't quite say as much about academe.

I think I'm gonna do another post when I get a little more time about what it's like being on the other end of the hiring process. Quite fascinating, actually.

Any post-academics out there who want my think tank operations director job?

I'm dead serious. We've started circulating the job posting on nonacademic sites. Surprisingly quickly, we've already received several responses. They're all crap on a stick so far.

I also circulated an invitation to some people at Grad U and among some other academic/post-academic types but no word from any of them yet. I think the politics might be an issue for some such people, although, really, it should not be ... Just look at what adventures you may have!

We want to get this taken care of quickly, and I do feel some sense of obligation to get someone good. New Think Tank President is biased towards hiring another post-academic looking to get off the adjunct track. (Apparently, we don't totally suck at stuff!)

So, long story short, if you're a post-academic in the DC area, you've been following my blog long enough to know a little about what this job might be like, and think you might be interested, send me an email at recentphd@gmail.com, and I'll fill you in on some details. We'd like to have some interviews lined up for the week of 6/18 and make a decision by 6/25. (Isn't this soooooooooo much better than the timeline for academic jobs?)

WOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First major donation for New Think Tank came in today:

It's sort of exciting. We've all been sitting on pins and needles because it was promised several weeks ago, right when all the shit hit and the core of us that have formed New Think Tank decided to break up with what I used to simply call Think Tank. We've been sitting on pins and needles because it's our cushion until we can rebuild our old donor base -- in essence, it's enough to cover salaries and all operating expenses for the next two months. That's a lotta dough, at least from my perspective, and it's reassuring to know it's there because we've already been racking up expenses. What happens beyond that, we can only hope for the best. So far, fundraising seems to be going reasonably well, but you're never really sure until there's money in the bank, and that sometimes takes some coaxing, even after it's been promised.

But ... we're set. No one will miss a paycheck between the last one from Think Tank and the first from New Think Tank.

I'm supposed to "chat up" someone at lunch tomorrow

The lunch is for someone running for Congress (and likely to win). It's at a nice restaurant and being hosted by Other Think Tank Economist (and another actual Ph.D.! in economics ... ). A lobbyist/executive from Big Company will also be there. That's who I'm supposed to "chat up." Big Company, apparently, "would still like to play" in an area of interest to New Think Tank, "wanted to give" to Other Think Tank in the past, and is a potential donor for New Think Tank.

Think Tank Boss and Think Tank Boss's #2 have prior engagements. They're both pros at this sort of thing, but I'm not. Oh, there's plenty of "chatting up" that goes on in academe, especially at conferences, but it's different ...

... or, maybe not so different, as I'm sitting here thinking about it. In academe, you "chat up" people whom you want something from: attention, recognition, information, insight, a reference, a collaboration, a commitment. I guess the difference is that in academe, I more or less knew what I was talking about, but now I only have what I would consider a fairly superficial understanding of the issues.

So, strategy: Get the OTHER person to talk, establish a few points of common ground surrounding New Think Tank's areas of interest, suggest the possibility of working together, exchange business cards (we just got our new business cards for New Think Tank the other day!), and see if lobbyist/executive might want to set up a meeting. And then go "chat up" somebody else.

Huh. It's a actually a skill I'd like to get more practice at. It's valuable here in Crapitol City in ways that it isn't/wasn't in academe. In academe, what you know counts more. Here, it's who you know.

What's cuter than one fatass orange cat lounging on your couch?

Why, of course, TWO fatass orange cats lounging on your couch!

Lucky (left) and Hobart (right)

There's been a lot going on at work this week, as you might imagine from some previous posts, but nothing I really feel like blogging about. Nor is there any immediate post-academic griping I care to share.

The next "next" job, it seems, pretty much comes down to a a not unpleasant shifting of positions, so to speak:

There is also a next NEXT "next" job I've alluded to cagily before. Let's just say there were some interviews a few weeks ago, a phone interview before all the Think Tank shit hit the fan and an in-person interview right in the thick of it. They went well. References were checked. And now I'm waiting. I expect it'll be at least another week or two before I hear anything. I don't want to say too much about it until I know one way or the other, but if I were offered this position, it would mean leaving New Think Tank just as it is getting its feet off the ground, something I hadn't imagined would be happening when I originally applied. And it's exciting to be at the start of a new venture, even if it's one in which my role is primarily "support." Leaving wouldn't be entirely easy ...

But, if you've figured out what the whole Think Tank shitstorm was about, you might find it interesting in a truly ironic way to note that one of the people at the in-person interview was one of the lead authors of the IPCC 2007 report. The job isn't an academic one but would involve working with academics, both scientists and humanities and social sciences people. It would, likewise, be the start of a new venture, a new initiative essentially, albeit within an existing and well-established organization. And it would mean moving beyond a "support" role.

So, one way or the other, there's much to happen ahead, new ventures both here and there, wherever I end up. We'll have to wait and see.

For now, though, it's teh weeekendzzzz!! And I intend to spend a good part of it encamped peacefully wit teh kittehs ... peacefully, that is, until Hobart decides to bite Lucky on his fat ass, which he inevitably will do, and then Lucky will smack the shit out of Hobart, which he inevitably will do, and then there's a kerfluffle ... and then everybody settles down  ... until it starts all over again.

MeeeeeeeooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwEEEEEE!!!!!!!

What's Been Going On

Hardly seems like a week's gone by since my TGIF post, and now it's already almost time for another one!

So, what's been going on this week? Well, today things have quieted down a bit, but that's mostly because some of the things I need to do in terms of New Think Tank set-up depend upon things Lawyer, Accountant, and Landlord must do first. In particular, Lawyer needs to complete Fancy Paperwork to make sure our EIN (IRS employer identification number) is properly under New Think Tank's name. Long story short, instead of getting a new EIN, we're taking over one that belongs to a dormant organization because that saves us several steps and a lot of time and effort applying for nonprofit status as a totally new organization. We need this number for all sorts of things related to set-up, and, given the abrupt nature of our departure from Think Tank, the sooner we have it the better. The ball is in Lawyer's court, so to speak.

Here's a run-down of what the rest of the week's been like:

• On Monday, we got our @NEWthinktank.org email set up and approved designs for our logo and website. I talked to a bunch of CPAs about what they could offer in terms of accounting and payroll and circulated tax forms for everyone to fill out (which, as of today, almost everyone has returned).
• On Tuesday, I talked with the CPA we've decided to go ahead with about a timeline for getting everything in order so that we don't miss a paycheck after the last one from Think Tank -- especially important because I am doubtful we will actually get that last paycheck, which is supposed to include unused vacation pay, too. The severance from Think Tank ended up being a "gentleman's agreement" between Think Tank Boss and Think Tank Boss's Boss (a.k.a. Delusional Lunatic) rather than a legally binding agreement. This "gentleman's agreement" included expense reimbursement, as well as pay, through the end of this month, but Think Tank has already refused to reimburse expenses for us this week. They also have not paid our mobile phone bill, which was due a few days ago. They claim they don't have the funds, which may be true, but that doesn't bode well for getting paid ...
• Later on Tuesday, Think Tank Boss, Coworker, and myself went to the bank and opened a small business account for New Think Tank.
• On Wednesday, we invoiced Large Donor for ... a six-figure sum. This amount is supposed to cover New Think Tank's operating costs, including salaries and rent, for 2 months. Large Donor has already verbally promised to support us in this amount, and we are expecting a check or wire transfer within the next few days. It is almost certain we will have other donations coming in long before the end of these first 2 months (essentially by the end of July), but it feels a little like walking on thin ice, not knowing where your salary is going to come from 2 months down the line.
• Later on Wednesday, I talked to Landlord about having the office lease transferred from Think Tank to New Think Tank. This shouldn't be a problem, but Landlord is a bit of a space case and tends towards the absent-minded and careless (who in their right mind would otherwise neglect putting a recycling bin out for the building for so long that they accrued multiple fines from the city?). The lease issue will be resolved but probably not without several more phone calls and some nagging on my part.
• Today (Thursday) we ordered business cards, and I tried to get our mobile phones, office phone/internet, and electric bill transferred to new accounts under our new EIN. I didn't think this would be possible until Lawyer had finished with Fancy Paperwork, but I figured it was worth a try. Turns out I was right and we'll have to wait for Lawyer. At least I got the billing addresses changed to New Think Tank. Since Think Tank, despite the "gentleman's agreement," is no longer paying our bills, at least our service won't be interrupted ...
• Also today, we reviewed some applications for summer interns.The interns are sponsored by Infamous Foundation and farmed out to various organizations in the area. A great many of these potential interns wrote on their applications that their future goal was to become a professor -- in fields like philosophy. At the top of our list was one of the only ones who did NOT list becoming a professor as a career goal -- not because of this but largely because the other things this person said indicated ze did not have hir head up hir ass and would generally do a better job at the things we would ask hir to do. Should this be surprising?

All in all, the week before this one felt a lot like the Season 3 finale of Mad Men with the breaking off from one organization and the beginning of a new one in a fly-by-night sort of crazy frenzy -- down to the stealing of contacts (crucially important to an organization like this, about as important as accounts for an ad agency like Sterling Cooper Draper Price) out of the online system before Think Tank changed the password.

This week, let's just say the ship has sailed:

Via

As a thank-you gift to Large Donor, we are having a caricature artist draw us as pirates. At the top of the drawing, a banner will say "Thank you for your support!" At the bottom, a caption will say "We still believe in pirates. Do you?"

TGIF

You know, as JC has said many times, one of the best things about leaving academe, whatever your reasons, whether you're a type 1 or type 2 leaver, is that when you leave your office in the evening and go home for the weekend, no matter how bad things have been (!!!), you are FREE, at least for a little while, to take a break and clear your head.

Y'all know CRAAAAZY doesn't even begin to describe how this week has been on many levels. But it's Friday evening. I'm going home. And I'm going to forget about all the madness for two days. Granted, last weekend, there were a few phone calls and I did say I'd be "reachable" by email but I still got to do more or less what I wanted to with most of my time. And, if you've figured out what I've been blogging about, you know that last weekend was TRULY an exception to anything resembling normal life.

Anyway, as I said, after all the drama this week, I'm heading out of the office to go enjoy my weekend. I'm going to do some yoga. Tidy up my house. Play with my cats. Go out to dinner with Peaches. Read a book. Watch a move.

And. Not. Think. About. Work.

Why? Because I don't have to. It will be waiting for me here on Monday, sure. But I don't need to think about it for now. The world is not going to end if I take a break and go live my own life for a few days.

And how many of you still running on academe's hamster wheel can say that?

"My life is not an experiment."

One of the saddest things about this whole mess I've been writing about these past few days is the degree to which Delusional Lunatic's actions have impacted Think Tank employees who had NOTHING whatsoever to do with DL's abominably stupid action, people who do not share the views that prompted it, whose work itself has nothing to do with the subject of Abominably Stupid Action, and yet who are nonetheless suffering the consequences not only in terms of their jobs being in jeopardy but in terms of their reputation. After all who would want to hire you after you worked for Delusional Lunatic? You must be a little crazy yourself. Why should we trust you?

While I think my team, ultimately, after a few tough transitional weeks/months, will land on its feet (and probably be better off in the long-run for making the break), nearly everybody in Think Tank's main office is boiling mad -- and rightfully so. DL acted (as I may or may not have mentioned before) without consulting either senior management, including my boss, or the Board of Directors. Rumor has it that ze did not do this because ze KNEW every single one of these people would have told hir NOT to do Abominably Stupid Thing. In other words, ze knew ze was playing with fire and that hir actions could have potentially far-reaching consequences, and yet ze chose not to consult the very people who would stopped hir from doing it. Those people would have recognized the risk to themselves and the rest of Think Tank's staff. Yet, it also seems fairly clear that DL recognized this risk, too, on some level. After the fallout started, DL went around saying Abominably Stupid Action was merely "an experiment" in getting the public to pay more attention to Crackpot Idea DL is committed to.

"My life is not an experiment."

That is what one of the senior managers said at a meeting DL organized earlier this week for the entire staff except my team which, of course, works in a different city (a few were participating via conference phone but not me). Apparently, afraid to criticize DL, nobody would speak up. It was uncomfortable, apparently, because everybody had been talking behind DL's back. Everybody was offended and incensed by what DL did, both because of its abominable stupidity and because it was done with so little thought for the consequences it would have for other people.

"My life is not an experiment."

Once Senior Manager said that, apparently, people opened up and let loose, When you're in a position of leadership within an organization, you don't fuck around with people's lives like that just to promote your Great Cause, whatever-the-fuck that happens to be. You don't pull stunts like this just so that you can be "controversial" or "provocative" or "outspoken." You don't put other people's reputations and livelihoods on the line for the sake of your own delusional self-aggrandizement. DLdid not apologize.

No amount of apologizing would do any good at this point, but nonetheless, in my opinion, DL personally owes an apology to the public and to the entire staff and soon-to-be former staff of Think Tank. You fucked up, dude, and delusional lunacy is NOT an excuse.

My. Life. Is. Not. An. Experiment.

In better news, we've worked out the severance agreement. Think Tank will pay us through May 31, plus whatever vacation is owed. In my case, that's 2 full weeks, so, in essence, another paycheck. We're also planning the launch of New Think Tank for June 1, and we should have all the payroll stuff worked out by early June, too, so that, ideally, no one will miss a paycheck (and mine will be significantly larger). By the terms of the agreement, we're under something of a gag rule until then, but the stories will get told in time ...

Crash Course in Accounting and Payroll

So, no real news on the severance agreement yet. Delusional Lunatic's attorney reviewed our proposal and sent a counter proposal. Then we sent back a counter proposal to the counter proposal. It's not fully or officially resolved yet, but at least we are talking and there will be some amount of severance pay (roughly a month).

In the meantime, I've been working on figuring out what it is exactly I will be doing at New Think Tank. Seems to be pretty much EVERYTHING an entire "support" staff would do. In addition to all the lesser things I've been doing all along, I will be in charge of accounting, payroll, expense tracking and reimbursement, invoicing ... it's possible we will contract payroll out to ADP or some other such service but I'd be the point of contact and responsible for tracking it in Quick Books ... We haven't worked out benefits administration yet ...

I have never done any of this stuff before.

Learning how it all works is, I suppose, worthwhile, if a bit tedious. There's also the issue of time. None of this is rocket science, but time is of the essence. We need to be up and running SOON. People get mad if they don't get paid for work or reimbursed for expenses (including me!). And if there's a fuck-up in tracking incoming and outgoing funds, that's a problem, too.

So, it's difficult and tenuous. But if everything goes according to plan, I get a big raise once the severance is complete and we're a completely new entity. And we are free of our ties to Delusional Lunatic and Toxic Brand and free to continue doing what we did before under a new name with all of the support of previous donors.

There is also the possibility that Other Possibility I alluded to in comments to the Fallout post will become reality, but that and its back story are the subject of another post. Even if it does, it wouldn't start until July, so I'd stll be doing this transition stuff while possibly looking for and training a replacement ...

The Silence Is Deafening

We have been waiting all day to find out whether the lawyers have reached a severance agreement.

No word yet. In fact, no communications at all from Delusional Lunatic's office.

Is there a psychological term for projecting onto your perceived enemies the very qualities that impair your own judgment? Projection -- yes, perhaps that's it! And paranoia, too. Everyone, clearly, is out to get Delusional Lunatic. The Bubble Gum Shit Theory of Planet Earth experts, activists, and their sympathizers in the media. Oh, and wait, all your donors, supporters, and staff, too! What did you expect? Are you in touch with reality? No, it's everybody else that's out of touch with reality!!

At this point, we just want to be done with the whole mess and free to move forward. Seems like they're holding us hostage by holding up the negotiations process. If they don't like our proposal for severance, they should make a counter proposal. It's mind-boggling and maddening, but, then, we are dealing with a delusional lunatic ...

You know it's bad when ...

You know it's bad when Fox News describes something a conservative or conservative organization did as "shocking."

Yes, the thing referred to in the previous post that Delusional Lunatic did was "shocking." Only, Think Tank, collectively, has taken the blame because the public doesn't know that Delusional Lunatic was acting alone. And since Delusional Lunatic is also Think Tank's CEO (previously referred to here as Think Tank Boss's Boss), nobody is likely to find out anytime soon. People's jobs are already at risk because it's possible Think Tank will simply implode in the not too distant future. Nobody wants to get fired before that happens for pointing fingers without a solid contingency plan in place.

Hence Project Mutiny (see comments to previous post). Think Tank's "brand" has become irreparably damaged. It's not only toxic but radioactive. Donors have been pulling out en masse. Delusional Lunatic's action was what you could literally call, already, a million dollar mistake, but Delusional Lunatic isn't apologizing or acknowledging any wrong doing.

In other words, Delusional Lunatic has destroyed our capacity to raise money and do work. An apology probably wouldn't do any good anyway. The damage has already been done, and Project Mutiny is the only answer. The lawyers are still negotiating over a severance agreement, and today I will be taking care of getting tax ID numbers and other matters related to setting up New Think Tank. One major donor that withdrew from Think Tank has promised to provide New Think Tank with liquidity for the first few months while it gets on its feet.

Fallout

Dear Delusional Lunatic,

You accomplished on your own everything I had hoped to and more. When I set my sights on sabotaging your project, I never imagined things could have possibly turned out so well.

Thanks for finishing what I started. I only wish I could take credit, but you hit the self-destruct button all by your lonesome, depraved, delusional self.

Good luck screwing over your entire staff. I'm sure they deeply appreciate what you've done.

Yours truly,
Unethical Asshole

You Idiots Built It Yourselves!!

Unfortunately, I happened to be onboard:

Titanic Via

WTF were you THINKING?

It's Like ...

It's like something outta the fucken Onion. Like, if the Onion published it, it would be funny.

Only ... they didn't. You can't make this shit up ...

It's like the Sokal Affair. I mean, EVERYBODY knows gravity is socially constructed, right? Only "radical fringe" fucken SCIENTISTS would claim they can PROVE gravity is real!! And they are murderers and terrorists and communist dictators for DARING to spread such audacious falsehoods!

Oh, wait ... did I just hear somebody say the earth is flat? Crap! I think I need to get my hearing tested!!

Hey, Kids! Can You Identify the Logical Fallacy Here? Hint: There Might Even Be More Than One!!

Consider the following:

The most prominent proponents of Bubble Gum Shit Theory of Planet Earth are not actually the Bubble Gum Shit Theory Experts who came up with the theory and have spent their respectable careers promoting it in public, legitimate, intelligent, ethical, and democratic ways. No. The MOST PROMINENT proponents are, in fact, Mass Murderer, Communist Dictator, and Several Radical Evil Psycho Violent Terrorists because these individuals are FAMOUS and said somewhere, at one time or another, possibly from in prison, that they believed in Bubble Gum Shit Theory of Planet Earth. And, because these shithead-asshole-criminals of "questionable ethics" believe in Bubble Gum Shit Theory of Planet Earth, that automatically makes said theory a "fringe" theory and undermines the validity of the consensus of all the Bubble Gum Shit Theory Experts who have been studying Bubble Gum Shit for decades.

Do you, dear reader, also still believe in Bubble Gum Shit Theory of Planet Earth? Why then YOU, too, have questionable ethics. You, too, are like Mass Murderer, Communist Dictator, and Radical Evil Psycho Violent Terrorists. Oh, and let's not forget Very Stupid Bubble Gum Shit Theory Expert who did something blatantly stupid and unethical but which did NOT undermine in any way Bubble Gum Shit Theory of Planet Earth per se but rather only Very Stupid Bubble Gum Shit Theory Expert's own personal integrity.

OMG. *headdesk*

It's like saying that because Very Stupid Bubble Gum Shit Theory Expert is a Stupid Shithead then, ipso facto, Bubble Gum Shit Theory of Planet Earth is ITSELF stupid shitte! That is, because Stupid Shithead said X, X is false, despite overwhelming confirmation of X's validity by non shitheads, non murderers, non communist dictators, and non radical evil psycho violent terrorists -- in fact, by highly respectable, smart, educated Professor Doctor Researcher Bubble Gum Shit Theory of Planet Earth fucken EXPERTS!!

Ummm .............it's a alternative universe over here, kidz. That's about all I can say.....

Grammar Gripes: Cut "That" Out

"That" is one of the more overused words in the English language. Consider the following:

You cannot expect that you will overcome the obstacles that impede post-academic success if you constantly revert to the same limited perspective that you developed while in academe that prevents you from seeing that the nonacademic world offers many opportunities that you only need to discover in order to take advantage of.

Gah!! If "that" monstrosity didn't give you a headache, you've definitely spent too much time in academe. Try this instead:

You cannot expect you will overcome the obstacles impeding post-academic success if you constantly revert to the same limited perspective you developed while in academe. It prevents you from seeing the many opportunities awaiting your discovery in the nonacademic world.

Still cumbersome but note how much smoother it reads when you cut "that" out. Of course, I came up with this example because I'm as guilty as anyone else of cluttering my prose with "that." Sometimes you do need the word, but once you start paying attention, you'll find plenty of "that" to delete. 

Just for kicks, let's look at another example, inspired by the only grammar book to die for:

Ezmerelda felt keenly that the vagabond libertine that she had unwittingly kissed last night had deceived her by whispering that he was a gentleman in disguise so that he could seduce her unwilling heart and ravish the objections that she could not help, ultimately, but relinquish.

Gah!!!! "That" just takes out all the romance. Try this instead:

Ezmerelda felt keenly the vagabond libertine she had unwittingly kissed last night had deceived her by whispering he was a gentleman in disguise, seducing her unwilling heart and ravishing the objections she could not help, ultimately, but relinquish.

Or, for those of you needing "real world" examples:

The Court held that the defendant was entitled to a charge that instructed jurors to find him guilty of the lesser included offense only if they found that he had not stolen the victim’s purse.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ... instead:

The Court held the defendant was entitled to a charge instructing jurors to find him guilty of the lesser included offense only if they found he had not stolen the victim’s purse. (Via)

Via

Stuff Fluffy Ate

The following are the most common surgically removed items from dogs and cats:

1. Socks
2. Underwear
3. Pantyhose
4. Rocks
5. Balls
6. Chew toys
7. Corncobs
8. Bones
9. Hair ties / ribbons
10. Sticks

(And no, don't ask me how and why I know this ...)