Uhhhhh ... ... ... huh ??????? I'd link, but, you know, the sham of anonymity and all ...
The Internet is full of weirdos.
It's pretty funny, actually, but it does make you wonder what goes on inside people's heads.
Here's what happened:
The Petting Zoo lately has been doing some work on Fuzzy Purple Wombat Poop.
[Oh, go on and watch the video. You know your day won't be complete until you watch a wombat shit square turds!]
There was a report, an event, and a bunch of blog posts and other publications. I have been involved in all of this work. You might call me an expert on Fuzzy Purple Wombat Poop That Floats. I am an expert not in the sense that I did original Fuzzy Purple Wombat Poop research but that I have read the peer-reviewed literature, talked with academics who did do it, looked at the consequences and implications for policy, and spewed my analysis of the whole Fuzzy Purple Wombat Poop -- with especial attention to That Which Floats -- situation out to the world in ordinary, everyday person language.
And, to be clear, I did not work alone. Many Petting Zoo colleagues were involved. Enviro Shark, for example, is an expert in Fuzzy Purple Wombat Poop That Sinks. The Big Dolphin is an expert in Fuzzy Purple Wombat Poop That Won't Flush. And so on. You get the idea. We did some research on some shit and then we published some shit on the shit we researched.
And now there are some people who think we full of shit. Well, it's really just this one weirdo that targeted me personally (getting to that -- just a sec!) that has gone to such extremes, but it arises, I think, from the fact that the PZ's conclusions about Fuzzy Purple Wombat Poop did not entirely align with the views of some of the organization's traditional allies. Whereas many of them would like to ban Fuzzy Purple Wombat Poop, the PZ has been calling for better regulation, more research, and more transparency. In other words, sanity and pragmatism.
So, this Internet weirdo woman is apparently on the PZ's email list and gets a message about one of the publications. She is incensed. She cannot fathom why the PZ would be saying the things it appears to be saying. It strikes her as sinister. Perhaps there are evil machinations behind the scenes. Why would the PZ say these things? Why would the PZ claim there is scientific evidence for the things they are saying when these things just don't jibe with her only lonely oneofakind superspecial mustberight personal experience conclusively non-empirically linking Fuzzy Purple Wombat Poop with the Apocalypse?
She thinks she smells ... ...
wait for it ... wait for it ... wait for it ...
Now, say it with me, folks: She thinks she smells The Kochtopus!
And so she goes digging around, and what does she find? Well, for starters, she must have Googled the names of all of us at the PZ associated with the Fuzzy Purple Wombat Poop work. She found an old webpage from Think Tank (remember them?) with my bio on it. Think Tank has long since deleted my bio from its website, but the cached page still appears in search results. [I know there's gotta be a way to fix this!]
Internet Weirdo Crazy Lady must have thought she found gold.
And she also must have been having some reading comprehension issues. In her mind, the tentacles of the Kochtopus apparently have the power to turn the past into the present and merge the two into one Evil Kochtopia because she seemed to think I was currently employed at BOTH Think Tank and the Petting Zoo, even thought my bio on the PZ website clearly states that I USED TO work at Think Tank. I don't try to hide it, but she seemed to think she had uncovered some big ugly dirty secret. Then she claimed, almost with a sigh of relief, that I was not an author of the one particular publication she most objected to, but that publication clearly DOES list me as an author.
Shhhhhh!!!!!!! Don't let the cat out of that litterbox of doom.