Headed West

For a big Petting Zoo event this week. Won't be spending too much time on the beach, alas, but maybe I'll find an hour somewhere. A sunset would be nice.

Big Stinky Flower

That video is from 2007. Although not from the  U.S. Botanic Garden, it is coincidentally the last time the DC titan arum or "corpse flower" bloomed, too. It's supposed to smell like a rotting mammal.

The one in DC is supposed to be unleashing its stench any day now. I can't wait!

Two Cats in a Doorway

That's Luca up top and Midnight below. They're semi feral, but they know we're suckers and come around begging for food because they know we'll feed them. I don't know how Luca gets up to that perch. I believe it involve something like a four foot jump from the top of the neighbors' fence. He's a bit of an acrobat. Midnight is also known as Growler because he growls all the time but is gentle as can be.

Eh, maybe I spoke too soon

I really should learn to stop complaining so much. The Big Dolphin was in town today and we chatted about some of that stuff in yesterday's post. I didn't bring up my future employment, but ze did hirself. Essentially, they do see me (at least the Big Dolphin and Enviro Shark do - and they're the ones that matter) as integral to the program, and the Petting Zoo is interested in making my position permanent if funding can be found in a year.

However, that last part is the catch. I am not at all certain funding will be found. And I still have concerns about many of the things I've complained about the past few days.There are still people here who would prefer I went somewhere else. And the issues with organizational culture remain.

I suppose what that means is I need to keep my eyes and ears open to new opportunities -- figure out what they are, find people doing things I might like to do, and generally make connections -- so that however things shake down over the next year, I have options.

And in response to today's search terms ....

It seems lots of you are getting here today via searches for "want to quit adjuncting" and "back out of adjunct contract." Summer term getting you down? Fall semester planning making you depressed?

Well, welcome! If you've read some of my whinier recent posts about my current post-ac job experiences and wondered whether I have ANY regrets about leaving two and a half years ago, well .......

Fuck NO I don't have any regrets!!!

I'll take the Petting Zoo's bullshit or Think Tank's delusional lunacy ANY DAY over academe. At least I get paid a living wage out here. And the more time that passes and the more things I do, the more opportunities I have -- exactly the OPPOSITE of academe.

Now, if you have something lined up and you're ready to quit, march that adjunct contract over to the shitster in your department who led you to believe you were privileged to have the honor of being offered $2500 per class and go rip that piece of crap to shreds in their face.Trust me, they're not going to sue you. There are too many others eagerly willing to take your place.

And then go get on with your life. And maybe start a blog.

Exotic Animals on the Loose ...

I suppose I shouldn't complain so much about life at the Petting Zoo. Although I started this blog two and a half years ago as a vehicle to vent post-ac frustrations, I probably would have been delighted to have found myself sitting where I now sit, doing what I now do, at the PZ at that time. And in reality, it didn't take me all that long to get here.

But in the intervening time, I have come to realize some things about what I value in a nonacademic workplace:

• intellectually interesting tasks
• independence
• being an integral member of a team
• acknowledgement and reward for good performance

The first two are obvious carryovers from academia. Most people go into academia because they want intellectually interesting work, and they want independence doing it. I have discovered those things are possible in nonacademic workplaces, albeit they may take different forms than you'd expect.

But while my work at the PZ, for the most part, is intellectually interesting (or is tied to an intellectually interesting larger goal), a lot of my frustrations result from a lack in the other three elements. 

I have the illusion of independence: I can come and go as I please. I structure my own time. I make at least some decisions about what I work on. But ... as yesterday's post illustrated in small part, there's an umbrella of oversight and control that can be stifling -- to creativity, productivity, and impact. It's counterproductive. Ultimately, the amount of control isn't just about me. It slows the program's progress. Significantly. And this adds yet another layer of frustration. I'm not the only one who complains about it, but nothing ever changes. It's organizational culture, and the individuals with the power to change things are themselves invested in that culture.

Additionally, although I wouldn't have known it coming straight from academe, being integral to a team is important to me and does not at all necessarily create a conflict with independence. As I've said before, my position at the PZ has an end date because it is funded through a nonrenewable source (ah, nonprofits -- gotta love 'em!). If another funding source emerged, the position, in theory, could be extended indefinitely or made permanent. And I arrived here committed to being an integral part of the program -- for however long my time here would be.

Other people, however, have viewed me from the beginning as "temporary" and have treated me as such. I strongly suspect that had the external funding source not materialized, they would have foisted a certain amount of my work on a certain other person (already here, already overloaded, and now leaving for grad school this coming fall -- one doesn't wonder why) and left a certain other amount simply undone because it's not viewed as essential.

Moreover, because a few still continue to hold my previous experience at Think Tank and New Think Tank against me, they can't wait for me to leave and make it clear they'll be glad when I'm gone because I don't "belong" and clearly don't have enough "passion" for the Grand Cause.

What's the upshot of this? I get excluded from meetings and conversations I should be a part of. I am overlooked for tasks and responsibilities even when I VOLUNTEER to take them on above and beyond what I am "supposed" to be doing. I've even volunteered to get involved with development because, in theory, if I could raise money I'd become myself a more tangible asset. I was looped in initially on one effort and did some research and created a presentation for the Big Dolphin that went well. And then, when the would-be donor asked for a more substantive proposal, I was looped out. Why? Because Pink Elephant (remember hir?) had taken the lead, and Pink Elephant is one of those people who thinks I don't belong here and can't wait for me to leave.

Does wonders for one's morale. And, let's not forget, credit for my ideas, insights, and flat out WORK sometimes goes to other people, as if I am invisible.

Which brings me to the last item on my list: acknowledgement and reward for good performance. One of the reasons I insisted on being allowed to write for the PZ blog (even though it took NINE freakin' months of pestering on my part to get them to let me take the required three-hour "training") was that it would mean a public track record of at least small scale work that no one else could take credit for. So far, that's been more or less working out. People like my blog posts (despite yesterday's reaction from Polar Bear), and I even got a compliment from the PZ executive director, who generally stays out of this level of affairs. So, that's all good and well. But blogging isn't the substance of what I do at the PZ (or should I say "for"?), and if, at the end of the day, no one will acknowledge or reward the more substantive things I do, it's time for me to plot an exit strategy.

*Sigh*

I have plenty of time to figure it out ... but wish me luck. I'd like the next "next" job to be one where I can stay awhile.

Another Day at the Petting Zoo

Today began with a blog post on the PZ blog. It was in response to something in the news. Didn't seem like a big deal. The day went something like this:

Me: "Hey everyone! There was a big splash outside. Shall I write a blog post about the splatter pattern?"

Enviro Shark and the Big Dolphin: "Sure, that's a great idea." So, around 11 AM, I take a half hour and write the post. It's about 400 words. But the PZ is big on review, even for something this short, so when I'm done I circulate to Enviro Shark (ze is another analyst).

Enviro Shark and I usually see things more or less eye to eye. Ze gets back to me an hour later: "This is great! I suggested some links and changed three words."

Me: "Thanks for those great suggestions." I make the changes and then circulate to the Big Dolphin and the Jackal (they run stuff).

Big Dolphin and Jackal around 3:30 PM: "This is great! Add these four words and send to Sleepy Tiger."

Sleepy Tiger posts things to the website. At this late hour, I am concerned Sleepy Tiger will not post the post today, and it's already so late the splatter pattern has mostly dried off the pavement. But at the PZ, "rapid response" can sometimes easily mean three weeks.

So I am pleasantly surprised when Sleepy Tiger replies promptly that ze has posted my post. Yay. Woot! I send around an email that the post is up.

No sooner have I done this when Polar Bear, who is the program director of a program I am not part of, lumbers over to my office: "That post was all wrong. Why did you write that post? It wasn't radical enough to save my iceberg. You let the polar bear hunting corporations off easy. They need to die Die DIE!!!"

Me: "Um, do I work for you? The Big Dolphin and the Jackal approved it. They run the Expanding Habitats program. You run Frozen Tundra. Thanks, but, you know, um ... no thanks."

Polar Bear: "You're gonna get some nasty comments."

Me: "OK ... And?

Polar Bear: "I'm telling ya, you're gonna get NASTY comments."

Me, puzzled: "Uh, okaay. Do I look scared?"

Polar Bear, lumbering towards the door, shaking hir head: "Umhumhum, yes indeed, those comments might be mean."

We'll have to see whether I get ANY comments. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say, based on previous posts, that's a nope, probably not. I'd actually be excited to get mean comments. I could play at being Defender of Expanding Habitats. Yeah!!!!

Polar Bear then lumbers over to Enviro Shark's office and gives hir the same speech. WTF? Enviro Shark didn't even write the post. And doesn't even have the power to give it thumbs up or thumbs down. We run posts by each other to test out before sending to the jackal and the dolphin.

Whatever ... Enviro Shark and I are apparently in cahoots to start a revolt in the PZ.

Personality type

I was bored earlier, so I took one of those online Myers-Briggs tests. I don't know how reliable they are, but the description of my results seemed to match a lot of my personality traits, both strengths and weaknesses. I hadn't ever taken one before (or if I had, I don't remember).

Apparently, I am an INTJ. That's one of the rarer ones, especially among women. I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

What are you?